Why I Kneel for Communion: A Survivor’s Perspective

+JMJ+

I am a Catholic survivor of clergy abuse, and my faith has been tested in many ways. The betrayal I experienced from someone who should have been a representative of Christ cut me to the core. For years, I felt I would never trust the Church again (let alone any priest). There were many times when I didn’t want to. Yet, despite the agony, anger, and doubts, I was able to cling to my faith. It hasn’t been easy. At times, it’s felt nearly impossible.

One of the key things that continues to carry me through is the Eucharist. In this sacrament, I encounter Jesus Himself. That little white host is not a symbol or some distant being. It is His real presence: His body, blood, soul, and divinity. In the Eucharist, I am home. It is where I find healing, strength, and hope.

For this reason, I choose to kneel for Communion. My family is blessed enough to have a pastor who has provided a kneeler so that the faithful may choose to kneel or stand to receive. I don’t kneel to draw attention to myself. Kneeling is my personal act of reverence, love, and surrender to the One who has sustained me through the darkest times of my life.

Recently, Cardinal Blase Cupich made a statement about the reception of Communion in his Chicago diocese, saying:

“the norm established by [the] Holy See for the universal Church and approved by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops is for the faithful to process together as an expression of their coming forward as the body of Christ and to receive holy Communion standing.”

He then goes on to say, 

“Certainly, reverence can and should be expressed by bowing before the reception of holy Communion, but no one should engage in a gesture that calls attention to oneself or disrupts the flow of the procession. That would be contrary to the norms and tradition of the Church, which all the faithful are urged to respect and observe.”

While Cardinal Cupich does not explicitly state what gestures he believes “call attention to oneself,” one can’t help but wonder if his comments are directed at those who choose to kneel when receiving the Eucharist. Surely, the churchgoers in his diocese aren’t engaging in acrobatics in the Communion line or celebrating with a rousing rendition of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 on their tubas. One can only be led to believe that he is referring to kneeling as causing disruption. Cardinal Cupich is a shepherd and, regardless of whether he is addressing the Church as a whole or not, His words matter. We are, after all, part of a universal Church.

Therefore, I feel compelled to respond to Cardinal Cupich’s request. I speak  in love and with a desire to explain why kneeling for Communion is so important to me and so many others.

Kneeling is a personal gesture and statement born of faith and suffering, one that I chose to make several years ago. As a survivor of clerical abuse, I know all too well what it feels like to be brought to one’s knees in pain and hopelessness. I understand what brokenness feels like. I also know the beauty that Christ brings from our brokenness and how He lifts us up.

Kneeling has long been a tradition in the Catholic Church. We go down on one knee as we genuflect before the Tabernacle or the monstrance. We bend the knee to show humility, reverence, and worship. If subjects kneel before royalty, how much more, then, should we kneel before our Lord and Savior, the King of Kings? 

A bow is also a way to express reverence as Cardinal Cupich writes and, for some Catholics, it may be all they can do. But why not encourage even more whenever possible? Kneeling is a natural and heartfelt expression shown before the greatest gift Jesus left us—Himself in the Eucharist.

The Eucharist is not about efficiency. Cardinal Cupich is concerned about anything that could “disrupt the flow of the procession.” Holy Communion is not meant to be rushed and is not about a perfect line or moving as quickly as possible. What’s the rush? Where could we possibly have to go that is as great as the gift right before us? 

How we approach Jesus in the Eucharist matters. Receiving Him is an unmatched sacred encounter. When we prioritize speed or organization, we are losing sight of what truly matters. Our focus should be on ensuring our souls are clean and ready to receive Jesus in Communion. He humbles Himself to be with us. He died for us. Yet, we demand convenience?

The early Christians were willing to sacrifice everything for Christ. They even risked their lives to secretly attend Mass. And yet today, kneeling is considered “too much?” Too much for whom—Christ, a priest or cardinal? Are we compromising the sacred to appease man, or are we striving to honor God?

Survivors like me know just how damaging shifting our priorities from Christ can be. Whether we are attempting to keep up appearances, maintain order, or avoid confrontation or disruption, we know what happens when the concerns of people take over. Christ must always come first no matter what.

For me, kneeling is a personal act that is extra meaningful. It is an act of trust. Many people struggle to trust others, myself included. Yet, I trust that Jesus is really and truly present. I trust that He will never fail me even when humans fail. Kneeling is an act of hope because only Christ can bring His Church strength and healing.

So many Catholics have struggled to remain in the Church for various reasons. Survivors of clerical abuse certainly wrestle with this following such gross betrayal. For those of us who have been able to stay, it is in part due to the fact that we have been able to see beyond the failures of men. We recognize that there is no greater gift on earth than Jesus in the Eucharist. We see the truth of the True Presence. Kneeling before the Eucharist is just one way to honor that truth. Any Catholic’s decision to kneel should be honored. 

There is room for personal expressions of faith. Not only is kneeling allowed (Redemptionis Sacramentum 90-91), it should be encouraged rather than discouraged. Anyone who suggests that showing extra reverence to Our Lord is disruptive or inappropriate in any way is missing its profound meaning and should perhaps reconsider their priorities.

To my fellow Catholics, do not be discouraged. Do not be afraid to express your faith and your love for Jesus. Don’t trouble yourselves with worrying about the potential judgment of others. Whether you bow, stand, or kneel, open your heart to be filled with love, respect, and the utmost reverence for the tremendous gift of Jesus. 

Remember the prayer the Angel taught the three children at Fatima. “My God, I believe, I adore, I hope and I love You!”

Let us all strive to approach Our Lord in the Eucharist with the reverence He deserves.